Following your "inner ding” while saying goodbye.

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Life is full of cycles. We are always in one of the following stages:

- building and creating,

- sustaining and maintaining,

- or completion and closure.

Over the last two years, I’ve been in a big personal season of closures and completions — and I am inspired to share openly with you about My Many Divorces.

First off, the broad definition of divorce is to “separate from.”

So, when I say “divorce,” I mean it literally and figuratively. Yes, there was a legal, marital divorce that took place, but there were many other separations that took place (and continue to take place). I opted into some of them, and others were not my choice.

I’ve learned enough over the course of my life to know that completions/divorces are not bad things even though they can feel painful, heavy and hard. On the contrary, completions are actually really amazing gifts for growth, insights, and possibilities.

On that note, I am inviting you behind-the-scenes of what’s been happening in my world so you have an example of what real life resiliency and change can hold:

Divorce #1:
Over the last two years I’ve separated and divorced my now ex-husband (my second marriage divorce), which completed our 10+ year relationship. It was not a bad marriage but it was not the right or healthy thing for us or our daughter. Together, we’re still learning how to co-parent and navigate the best way to support our new family structure. At times it feels wonky but our north star is always our daughter, which is where all our joint decisions come from.

Divorce #2:
We sold our dream home in the Palm Springs area, we uprooted our life in the dessert and moved back to Los Angeles to be closer to family and friends to support us both. While grief is still present, the move has been a saving grace in all of our transitions.

Divorce(s) #3:
I’ve had many long term clients complete our coaching work together and I’ve had major contracts complete. While I miss those clients dearly, this has made room for new amazing clients, and it’s given me space to dream into a totally new model for expanding my business (more on that upcoming!!!).

Divorce #4:
I completed my work with my coach of 6 years. This felt really big and significant to me. I’m moving on to work with other professionals to bolster specific areas of my life that need my attention right now. This transition is giving me the opportunity to lean on all my rich learnings and tools in a new way, which has been empowering.

Divorce #5:
I’ve removed myself from a network of professionals that no longer aligns for me. Leaving that culture has been the very best choice and it’s given room for new ideas and ways of working to flourish and grow.

Divorce(s) #6:
Painfully, some longterm friends that I truly believed would be life-long, ride-or-die friends, suddenly left my life no explanation - all during some of the hardest years of my adult life. There have been multiple friends this has happened with and it’s been truly heartbreaking. In that, I’ve learned more about what I value in friendships and a new level of commitment to the people who are choosing to be close to me at this time. I’ve learned to let people move on — an amazing skill that serves me in every area of my life.

Many aspects of these transitions have felt hurtful, upsetting, and left me wondering what I could have done differently. Others have felt empowering, uplifting, and exciting.

In all of this, the consistent learning an opportunity has been to stay committed to myself and my “inner ding.”

Your inner ding is that thing inside of you the lights up or dims down with certain people, opportunities, or circumstances.

Your inner ding is where your sense of safety and excitement comes from. It’s also where you feel the changes, shifts, and losses. Some call it your Authentic Self. Some call it your Inner Wisdom. Some call it your Inner Mentor.

I tend to like the simplicity of “inner ding.”

Following my inner ding has been the only way I’ve navigated the last couple of years without tons of drama - and without the changes taking me out completely.

If this is a topic of interest for people, I’ll share more about how my whole life has prepared me with inner resources to deal with such massive changes, and how they've led to the most peace and happiness I've ever had.

For now, here’s what I want you to know:

1. Wherever you’re feeling pain right now, you can honor it. It won’t feel this way forever. You can ask yourself: “What do I need right now?” Then give that to yourself or find people/resources who can.

2. Suffering and discomfort (even physical illnesses) will ALWAYS follow when you’re out of alignment. Any time you’re making allowances or trying to make other people happy at the expense of your own peace, you will suffer.

3. Not knowing how things will turn out is an inevitable part of being human. We all experience the great known and we find ways forward. Trust yourself -your inner ding- to guide you through.

You can strengthen the muscles that say:

“It’s okay of someone doesn’t like this. This is mine to do.”

“It’s okay if people don’t understand. I know this is the right thing for me.”

“Their way works for them. This way works for me.”

“I trust my intuition, period.”

Following the above is what will create more clarity and access to your inner ding. Sometimes it starts off really quiet - like a whisper or an inclination. That’s data for you.

The more you listen, the more it grows.

Soon, you’ll find yourself making the most aligned choices for yourself from a natural state of being instead of efforting, belaboring, and comparing options.

I can tell you today that I am the absolute happiest, healthiest, and most whole that I’ve ever been. I have a deep sense of inner peace and I trust myself. It doesn’t mean that life feels easy all the time or I don’t have moments of self-loathing, but I know how to get back to baseline and how to follow my inner ding. This is exactly what I support my clients with as well - attuning to their inner ding.

I wish this for each of you reading.

I’m curious - how connected are you to your inner ding? Where are you seeing evidence that you can trust yourself? What have you learned about living in the fullness of life - the good and the bad?